You Might Be a Trump Cultist If…

In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy, here’s my culturally relevant riff on his famous redneck jokes.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You tell people if they don’t like Trump’s positions, that they should vote for his VP pick instead.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You support a candidate who said that he didn’t need conservative votes but you tell conservatives that he will lose unless they vote for him.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You tell people that not voting for Trump is voting for Hillary, but don’t understand when people say not voting for Hillary is a vote for Trump.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You know just what everyone around you is thinking, no matter what they write! Only you know the truth!

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You don’t think it’s at all creepy to like people only to the degree that they like Trump.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You think that changing your mind five times in three days about abortion isn’t indecisive, it’s flexible!

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You look back on your high-school years of bullying underclassmen as your glory days.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You haven’t found a problem that threats and blame don’t solve.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You think it’s way more important that Trump be in the headlines than the other party suffer for doing something really bad, like fixing elections.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
“Does this guy know how to stop talking?” is a thought you’ve never had.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You think that you can shape Trump when he’s president but can’t show that he’s been shaped as a candidate.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You think campaign promises can be broken in the same sentence that they’re made in and that’s ok!

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You and your daughter agree that having sex is an activity you both enjoy, because that is not at all creepy or weird.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
Your idea of persuading people with moral concerns about your candidate is to mock them for having moral concerns about your candidate.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You want people to give up their morals so you don’t feel bad about giving up your own.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You think that when someone is shocked into silence by your stupidity that you’ve won the argument.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
It’s the fault of everyone except Trump that Trump isn’t more popular with voters.

You might be a Trump cultist if…
You’ve already drawn up plans to start a riot, beat up someone, or blow something up if Trump doesn’t win the election.

I could go on and on.

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One Response to You Might Be a Trump Cultist If…

  1. Pingback: A Line You Cannot Cross | The Quiet Towers

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